Literary Journals

I don’t get them at all.  I have hardly submitted anything anywhere ever, but it occurred to me the other day that that is probably a, shall we say, imprudent move, career-wise, so now I’m going to start submitting like a crazy person but all these magazines just seem terrible.  All the submission guideline pages are so angry.  “I’m not your mommy!” one of them insists.  Shut up, guy!  WRITERS, AM I RIGHT.

(Also, I am basically judging them on the basis of their name and how it will sound if I’m published there.  “Read my latest story in Bamboo Ridge!” I just said out loud to myself, before reading that Bamboo Ridge publishes literature by and about Hawaii’s people.)