April 2010
35 posts
1 tag
1 tag
Things You Should Know By Now, Part One in an...
If you’re going to drink a lot the night before you need to finish a major research paper, you should at least have some dinner.
Thus concludes this episode of Things You Should Know By Now.
1 tag
1 tag
Related: The patriarchy hurts men, too.
No. 222: Don’t tell us you’re on a low-carb diet when you take us out to dinner. That’s why we’re not out with our girlfriends. —Leila Gheit, 28, Jackson Heights, New York
No. 418: It’s okay to tear up at the end of the World Series. It’s not okay during American Idol. —Lorelei Donaldson, 23, Columbia, Missouri
No. 21: Men drink coffee, not skinny...
FUNNY FACTS ABOUT WOMEN →
No. 7: Even tomboys like flowers. —Shannon McCarthy, 24, Valencia, California
No. 622: When we say we don’t want flowers, we really want you to secretly ask our friends or search our Web history to find out what our favorite kind of flower is without us knowing so we’re “surprised” when you hit the nail on the head. —Meredith Blake Matthews, 26, Pittsburgh
No. 10:...
2 tags
“Also, why do they offer the ring in silver if the book describes the ring as...”
– Gabe from Videogum, on Twilight engagement rings.
Hahahahaha, except seriously: if you’re going to propose to me, do it with a pair of Harry Potter glasses.
1 tag
Remember when I told you to buy Jerry Williams's... →
It was right here. I gave you helpful links and everything, but you probably didn’t listen to me, because, I don’t know, I’m just some girl whose seriously outdated thoughts on St. Elsewhere you read because you’re underemployed, and you don’t really care about my insanely talented college professors. Well, Entertainment Weekly agrees with me, if that means anything...
1 tag
2 tags
1 tag
Last night I spent some time (maybe it was a couple of hours, maybe not) researching the series finale of St. Elsewhere.I have never seen a single episode of this show, but I know what happens in the last five minutes, because these minutes are MIND-BENDING. I’m assuming you already know what happens (because I always assume that everyone contains in their heads the same pool of pop culture...
1 tag
Bus Stop, Bright Day, He's There, I Say, "PLEASE...
Here’s a habit I’d like to break: when I am waiting for a bus on a sunny Friday afternoon and a man approaches me, a scary man, at least twenty years older than me, smoking a cigarette, with an uncomfortably hazy look about his eyes (but honestly? It wouldn’t have mattered what this guy looked like), asks me what the bus schedule is, then asks me where I go to school, do I have a...
2 tags
“And part of my brain even noted, in that moment, that what just happened was...”
– Kate Harding (via Amy Whipple)
I’m going to go do something really well for a while now (taking a short break only for an awards ceremony, where I am among the awarded, which should probably be proof enough for me to calm the hell down and own this fucking thing).
Things I've Heard Pittsburgh Bartenders Named...
“Screw Ben Roethlisberger! He’s a disgrace!”
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
Watchnoonish:
Oh, hi Peter! I miss you every day.
This makes me really happy.
Interactions I've Had Today Which Haven't Been...
This morning, while I was watching Supernanny in Kevin’s apartment (what is it about Supernanny? Every episode follows the exact same formula, every family requires and receives the exact same directives, and yet still I watch with obsessive interest), there came a knock on the door. It was an employee from our (terrible) rental company, with a mother and grad school-age daughter, showing...
1 tag
It is intensely disappointing to me that googling “What would Hermione Granger do?” yields nary a single t-shirt, but rather a hell of a lot of fan fiction. In the interests of all those who must daily ask themselves such a question, I have just this second compiled a not-comprehensive list of answers:
consult Hogwarts, A History
sigh in exasperation
slap somebody across the face
1 tag
2 tags
New Jersey man uses his own vomit as a weapon →
If you don’t click the link, you can pretend this just a story from the spring of 2004, when my high school classmate Gator (a nickname! Short for “instigator”! Hahahahaha!), seeking vengence on a girl for pouring a carton of milk over his head earlier that morning, vomited into a milk carton and poured it over said girl’s head. Causing her to chase him around the hallways...
“Un Amico,” Ennio Morricone
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
2 tags
1 tag
Regina Spektor, “Real Love”
2 tags
2 tags
A Brief And Illuminating Glance Into My Writing...
Once while I was eating a sandwich, I overheard a scrawny little guy talking about how as a kid, he thought women were robots because he never heard them fart. He noted his simultaneous relief and shock when he found out that this was not the case. I thought, “This guy needs to be in a story.”
I started writing a story about him on a date with a girl. I thought it was going to be...
1 tag
Tips for Classmates
Don’t call Jane Austen “frothy romance” unless you want me to straight-up cut a bitch.
2 tags
“At any rate, where books are concerned, it is notoriously difficult to fix...”
– Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own
2 tags
Tutoring Dilemmas and Solutions:
Assignment: Write 1 to 2 pages on a scene in a book that has profoundly impacted the way you live your life.
Dilemma: You haven’t read a book since high school.
Solution: Write about the only scene in To Kill A Mockingbird that your tutor can currently remember (“Miss Jean Louise, stand up, your father’s passin’”). Use SparkNotes.
Keywords: Brotherhood. Respect. ...
1 tag
1 tag
