March 2010
28 posts
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WHAT AN ADVENTURE, GANG!
We were supposed to fly stand-by from JFK to Pittsburgh yesterday afternoon, but our flight was full! So we took the AirTrain to the E train to the F train to East Broadway and took the Chinatown bus instead. And I only cried once, briefly! Here are some highlights from My Sunday Night on the Chinatown Bus:
Early on, I wondered, “Hey, who is smoking on this bus? I bet they will get in...
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To Self, With Love
Sometimes the student-athletes you tutor turn the volume of their iPods up to deafening in order to drown out your meek and pathetic warblings of “Hey, guys, maybe we should get off Facebook and start writing?” or “Hey, maybe let’s not punch each other right now?” And then other times when they’ve finished their paper and you say, “You did it!” they...
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Today in Youth Culture
Yesterday I sat with my grandparents as they watched Patrick in Fiddler on the Roof. Of the show, and Patrick’s performance, they were wildly supportive. “Why, this is wonderful!” my grandmother kept shouting out during musical numbers. And when Patrick began his solo, she shook my grandfather’s arm violently. “That’s Patrick!” she cried, in apparent...
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Important Things I Have Seen In the Computer Lab:
One undergraduate (male) leans over to the one undergraduate (female) sitting to the left of him—whom he clearly doesn’t know—and points out how she can fix the typo in the document she is typing. “You just have to put a space in between these two words,” he says, and then he hits the space bar on her keyboard. “Boom!” he says. She laughs nervously.
“I am very fearful of a church which equates itself with Americanism. This is a...”
– Charles Schulz
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Tonight as you chug your dyed-green beers, take a moment to consider how rampantly alcoholism runs through my enormous Irish-American family. Also, how susceptible we are to skin cancer. Erin go bragh!
“And even if your champagne pool goes flat, you’ve still got a swimming pool...”
– The lovely Bingo tells it like it is.
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On Failure
When I was 17, a short story I had written on looseleaf paper while I wasn’t paying attention in math class entitled “If Kurt Vonnegut Was My Father” was accepted for publication by McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. Then, a couple of months later, the editor, John Warner, e-mailed my AOL account to take it back. I can quote from his e-mail because at the time I printed it...
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Giant Steps Backward:
I just convinced myself there was a mouse in my garbage can and then stood on my bed until Kevin came over to dispose of what turned out to be mostly candy wrappers and aluminum foil.
Sorry, feminism.
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“I can’t say I understand it. I mean,...”
– My father lists some of the new-fangled terminology the kids today are using, including the term with which Tom Hanks ends all his Tweets.
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How Not to Be a Writer: Spring Break Edition
First, when you’re trying to write a pithy blog post about how you haven’t spent a second of your spring break writing so far, forget how to spell “edition.” “Adition?” “Addition?” Oh, God, no, it’s “edition.”
Arrive home immediately preceding the Academy Awards. Start watching the E! coverage at 2 p.m. You might remember that...
Selections from a Log of Injuries Sustained by...
September 3, 3005:
Repeated head bumps, Alice
Mental injuries
September 6, 2005:
Katie bumps her head after writing her resume and seeing in bold black-and-white Times New Roman type the extent to which she is a miserable failure
Katie’s pride hurts
Alice scrapes finger on ceiling
Alice curls up in tiny ball, wears necklace chain across nose. Looks like crazy person. This may or may...
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After ten hours of watching Oscar coverage, I feel about as drunk as George Clooney must have felt four hours ago. Did you guys see his interaction with Ryan Seacrest? Dude had that hazy-eyed look about him that usually makes me edge away from strangers in bars. I don’t have a lot of thoughts. Sometimes I wonder about the logistics of the plot of The Lake House, starring Academy...
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“Oprah called me and was like, ‘Hey girl, do you want to ride [to the...”
– Gabourey Sidibe, who should win an Oscar for this quote alone.
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Katie Coyle's Seriously Important Oscar Opinions
Whenever an Academy Awards telecast approaches, people begin to inundate me with requests for my Oscar predictions and Oscar dreams(*). I suppose it’s because I have a well-documented love for watching celebrities interact with other celebrities, especially when they are crying. And I don’t think I need to remind readers of this blog of my disturbing ability to name every best...
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The Bible Is My Best Friend
Once Lot’s wife and I drove to her ex-boyfriend’s house and egged his car, then drove home singing “You’re So Vain” as loud as we could. I thought we would be friends forever, but she hasn’t been the same since she turned into a pillar of salt.
Noah and I are in the same Stats class. I’m into him and I think he might be into me. Sometimes he picks me...
