December 2010
22 posts
That'll do, 2010. That'll do.
Since to avoid reflecting on 2010 on my internet web log would be a disgrace to my title as Person Who Writes About Herself On An Internet Web Log, this is what I have to say: I had a great, happy year. I drank gin and ate chocolate with my friends during a blizzard. I danced in slow motion to Chris Brown’s “Forever” at my grandfather’s 80th birthday party. I sat on the...
1 tag
New Words for the New Year
blackswan (verb): 1. To enter into a process of mental or emotional breakdown so intense as to produce physical discomfort in the people around you. “Charlie Sheen really blackswanned all over that hotel room.” 2. To not understand the symbolic elements of a highbrow art film. “Sorry, I’m blackswanning. What just happened to Natalie Portman’s legs?” 3. A general...
2 tags
Double Feature for Twenty-First Century Women:...
Whip It! (2009): Hollywood, I do not think that I ask for so very much from you. I ask for movies about girls doing stuff: girls pining after guitar players, sure, and engaging in underwater makeout sessions (as one does), but also girls having good friendships. Working in diners. Roller-skating. Throwing punches. I ask for comedies about young women which acknowledge that a young woman’s...
1 tag
Lines That Have Stuck With Me From Movie...
“You need he’p; here I am!”—Renee Zellwegger, Cold Mountain (2003)
“You threaten my son, you threaten me!”—Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side (2009) (alternately: “You can thank me later!” [not featured in this trailer])
“A million dollars isn’t cool; you know what’s cool? A billion dollars.”—Justin Timberlake, The...
1 tag
“Maybe you should get two bottles of wine, since Kate’s good for a bottle...”
– My father, discussing rations for the snowpocalypse.
1 tag
“Fuzzy Wuzzy had been a bear.
But he was bald.
So, if this was the case,
He...”
– Manageable Tongue-Twisters, by Jesse Eisenberg. Yes, THAT Jesse Eisenberg.
1 tag
1 tag
“It was called ‘The Difference Between My Girlfriend and a Sea...”
– Miracle Jones at The Fiction Circus, unwittingly writing my epitaph.
1 tag
Hot Metal Bridge, Fall 2010 →
You should probably start getting excited. This issue of Hot Metal Bridge is objectively the best thing ever to happen, featuring superb stories from Lucy Jane Bledsoe, Ethel Rohan, and Linda Tzoref, an interview of Vestal McIntyre by some girl, and (I just noticed) poetry from Elizabeth Wilcox! You’re welcome, internet.
2 tags
1 tag
Today On The Megabus:
A young lass from Penn State regaled her seatmate and brand-new bestie with a story that I can only imagine she has mentally titled “That Time I Got Arrested for Public Drunkenness in Allentown, PA and Woke Up in Jail Without Shoes and Went to K-Mart for Some New Shoes But Was Not Allowed In (Because I Had No Shoes On), and So My Companions Pushed Me Around the Store in a Wheelchair,”...
1 tag
1 tag
Paper, Fruit, Vegetables
9 pages left. Due tomorrow at 6. I have been eating a lot of baked goods in place of things like: fruit, vegetables. I have also been writing about Alice (of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland) and how much that chick eats: no fruit, vegetables. I am starting to wonder if this paper is really about my “issues” with food, those being: I eat no fruit, vegetables. Plus there was a...
1 tag
“All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all...”
– Liz Lemon
Things I Hate About Undergraduates: A Desperate...
Their hair
How slowly they walk
How loudly they greet one another
Their cell phones
Their shoes
Their colds
America, We're Done: The Katie Coyle Story
This is the title of my forthcoming memoir. It is about the fifteen-minute window in which I watched a video of Sarah Palin shooting a caribou and read the IMDB message boards for the child actor who plays the smug brat in the Toyota Highlander commercials in quick succession.
2 tags
“A fretful child may disturb the peace of a whole household, and an ill-tempered...”
– The Daughters of England: Their Position in Society, Character and Responsibilities, Sarah Stickney Ellis (1842)
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
"The Difference Between My Girlfriend and a Sea... →
People of the world: I wrote a short story (illustrations by Patrick Coyle) and the Fiction Circus published it. If you click on this link, you can read it. Tell your friends. Tell your enemies.