January 2010
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Great Moments in Kevin History, 1/30/10
Called me over, while I was hungry and cleaning, to his apartment, where he had a SURPRISE Five Guys burger and an episode of The Office waiting for me.
Finished checking his e-mail and handed me his laptop with the Tumblr window already open.
Left an episode of Wizards of Waverly Place on for a few seconds longer than I think his natural inclination would have liked, in order to satisfy my...
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Cool Things That I'm Doing:
I have a really serious apartment-cleaning situation on my hands (there are six empty Diet Coke cans on my desk and that is just one example of fourteen hundred), and while I take care of it, I am going to listen to Jim Dale’s dulcet tones as he reads aloud Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Here in this MFA program, I have had to stand listening to my boy H.Pots be openly maligned by...
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Quickly Written and Inexpertly Conceived Book...
Full disclosure, since everyone knows how highly I value the ethics of blogging: I know this man. He was my creative writing professor at my undergraduate institution. This may require the further disclosure that I like him a lot. I am not alone in this. English department events at Marymount Manhattan College were never not preceded with furious discussions as to whether or not Jerry would...
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“Against my better judgment, I feel certain that somewhere very near...”
– J.D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey
Is it cool or uncool to unabashedly love J.D. Salinger? I don’t know and I don’t care. Thanks for everything, Jerome David.
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Hello! It is 12:56 on Thursday, January 28th, and from where you lie in your boyfriend’s bed in your pajamas, you are comforted by the sight of a thin layer of snow on the branches of trees and the sunlight streaming in through all the windows and the sound of the water of the shower. You are going to have a really good day today, even though this morning you’ve been thinking about...
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Last night over beers and one Creamsicle-flavored...
Alan Alda, Conan O’Brien, Tina Fey, Meryl Streep, Emma Thompson, Hugh Laurie, Amy Poehler and Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, George Clooney, Matt Damon, J.K. Rowling and others I can’t remember.
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“Five years of documenting Jennifer Aniston’s obvious, constant sadness. ...”
– Happy divorce-iversary, Braniston!
(via)
Pittsburgh is the only city in the world in which I have lived (this is a joke, because I have only ever lived in two cities) where two large groups of people stand on either side of an intersection, staring at the forbidding red hand of the crosswalk, perhaps scanning the road and determining that there is no car in sight, and yet, never moving. In New York (or, Back When I Was Super-Tough), I...
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Tips For Creative Writing Workshops
A bad workshop is one in which anyone, at any time, distributes a story where each character has the name of someone in the class, and then at some point, all these characters start to have sex with each other. A bad workshop is one where the professor has the students go around in a circle, each saying one good thing and one bad thing about the piece in question. This result of this system...
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“What do they talk about?”
– Kevin, on Josh Duhamel and Fergie.
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LET'S DO THIS, AWARD SHOW SEASON
Who gets excited for the Golden Globes anymore? It’s just me and middle-aged homosexuals, I would imagine. But I have loved the Golden Globes all my life. They proudly replace the quasi-dignity of the Oscars with bottles and bottles of alcohol. And if I were an actor—like a real actor, with a capital A—I think I’d need that to take the Golden Globes seriously. Did you...
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A crazy lady just walked into the computer lab. I describe her as “crazy;” perhaps that’s not fair. She merely felt it necessary to announce that she thinks it’s a good sign that she’s wearing a t-shirt with an illustration of Medusa on it. It’s perfectly acceptable to walk into a room and opine on your own clothing, so I retract my evaluative description of...
Have you ever had the experience of looking for a condom commercial starring a girl you went to college with, only to stumble upon a condom commercial starring a guy you went to college with? No? Is this just me?
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Audiences experience 'Avatar' blues →
James Cameron’s completely immersive spectacle “Avatar” may have been a little too real for some fans who say they have experienced depression and suicidal thoughts after seeing the film because they long to enjoy the beauty of the alien world Pandora.
This article is going to blow your mind.
“But as Charlie F. Brown struggled with a variety of Charlie Brown-like...”
– Schulz and Peanuts: A Biography, David Michaelis
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Observations on "Avatar":
This film is visually stunning!
In one scene, Sigourney Weaver is made to scream, “YOU MURDERER!” in slow motion!
James Cameron should have taken about $200 of all that money he used to make this movie and given it to me. In return, I would have written dialogue a little less gag-inducing than “You’re not my brother!”/”But I’m not your enemy!” and...
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I had already taken a shower, dressed, and listened to Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” (have you guys heard about this Lady Gaga chick? I’m sort of into it) in its entirety before I realized that I never fully closed my door after returning from Kevin’s this morning. The great thing about my apartment, however, is one cursory glance around reveals that no one had entered....
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2010 WILL BE GREAT
I can tell because on New Year’s Eve on the way to dinner Kevin performed (in German) the tattoo scene from Dude Where’s My Car and then at 3 a.m. on our way home from the party, the friends we were with got into a ridiculously unnecessary yelling match with drunk girls on the train (sample dialogue: “You’re clearly not from [suburban town in New Jersey]!”...